As we kick off 2026, your FHE crush is still completely unaware that you were an Assistant to the President on your mission, but never fear! Try these 6 tips to win her heart without losing the aloof persona you’ve spent all semester crafting. Consistently bring up how much time you spent in the office: This can be done as you do your marketing homework … Continue reading Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP
50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT Gaslight a child. Manipulate a loved one. Overstimulate a friend. Spit on an old person. Stigmatize mental health. Start a scandalous rumor about a loved one. Fill a stranger’s gas tank with milk. Make fun of someone’s birth mark. Empty a friend’s inhaler. Bankrupt a local business. Ask a woman her weight. Traffic an endangered species. Talk over your … Continue reading 50 Ways to Spite the World This Christmas Season
Everyone knows that fifth Sunday law of chastity lessons usually go poorly. But today, we were lucky enough to sit in on the world’s most successful one yet, led by instructor Cassidy Lessen. Lessen had the entire ward participating and asking meaningful, thought-provoking questions. For example, Sabbath Day committee member Bear Soles asked, “Does the handbook say anything about feet?” However, Lessen declined to comment … Continue reading Wholesome: YSA Ward Chastity Lesson Gone Right
Having seemingly procrastinated until the day before General Conference weekend, a panicked Elder Ronald A. Rasband has been spotted trying to crank out his entire talk in one night. “general conferenfce talk ~20 mintues make it sounds like not ai pls thansk,” Rasband was seen typing into ChatGPT around 6:00 on Friday night. Every General Conference speaker is expected to submit a copy of their … Continue reading Elder Rasband Seen Writing Entire Conference Talk Last Minute
This is so freaking awesome! I’m so excited to go to Disneyland!! Holy freaking cow!!! Just pull up to the pearly gates of Disneyland during P-Nelly’s birthday month and whisper the secret code BDAYBOY101 to the attendant, and you’ll receive free entry for the day! “Can you believe this!? Freaking Disneyland, baby!!” commented Elder Uchtdorf when asked how the cost would be covered. So what … Continue reading You Can Go to Disneyland for Free to Celebrate President Nelson’s Birthday!
