Category: Featured

Campus, Featured

“Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

The G-Rated, LDS version of the highly anticipated “Cocaine Bear” introduces a cautionary tale about choosing the right. All in moderation. Amongst few, unemployed LDS historians, a hot debate takes place on the origins of The First Vision. Those like David Deserat believe the dark power that overwhelmed Joseph Smith seconds before the first vision was none other than a wild cougar, dressed in the … Continue reading “Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

Sue Sylvester
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

In Doctrine and Covenants section 87, Joseph Smith accurately predicted the coming Civil War, 30 years before it began. This was not enough to convince his doubters of his prophetic calling. Well, let’s see them try to explain this. While demolishing the HFAC, construction worker Tim Devon discovered a box underneath a granite slab. In the box was discovered a 50 page prophecy, accurately and … Continue reading Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

Macho Man Randy Savage
Featured, Life, News

Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

It’s no secret that America is facing a heartbreaking egg shortage right now. Stores are buckling under the pressure of trying to sell eggs they don’t have. Roommates grapple with contention as eggs are stolen from their prized cartons. Vegetarians waste away, unable to consume their singular source of protein. Anguished by these events, a faithful son of God by the name of The Brother … Continue reading Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

Kayteigh Leigh
Featured, News, Provo, Uncategorized

Single FHE Mom Wins Heated Custody Battle

After two whole semesters of no child support from their deadbeat dad, single FHE mom Tiffaneigh Leigh of Provo YSA 12345th ward took legal action and was granted full custody of her 15 adult children. While Tiffaneigh herself would report that the court ruling was sweet, anyone who was involved in this case can attest that the litigation was sour. “Having to get up on … Continue reading Single FHE Mom Wins Heated Custody Battle

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Honors Black History Month By Giving Black Students Their Very Own Luxury Bathroom In the MARB Basement

Across the nation, the public school system and universities have been honoring Black History Month this February in varying ways. Some schools choose to honor African-American icons from history, some schools spend the month highlighting Black history, and some schools construct a separate bathroom for their Black students. That is, one school constructed a separate bathroom for their Black students. This February, Brigham Young University … Continue reading BYU Honors Black History Month By Giving Black Students Their Very Own Luxury Bathroom In the MARB Basement

Kayteigh Leigh