Category: News

Featured, News, Provo

Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

While racism on BYU campus itself has never been an issue, the Creamery has taken it upon itself to eradicate the very concept entirely, finally fulfilling the 63-year-old dream of Martin Luther King Jr. “The seamless blend of colors on a gradient from black to white is a lactic representation of the flawless integration we have here on our campus. This ice cream is our … Continue reading Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

Don Cheadle
Featured, News, Sports

Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Pop into the family group chat to congratulate your dad on his new position, because just yesterday it was announced that your dad will be replacing former defensive coordinator, Jay Hill. Hill recently betrayed BYU when he transferred to the Michigan staff, but the BYU football team is optimistic that this change is for the better.  “We know that y/n’s dad is going to make … Continue reading Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Swedish Chef
Campus, Featured, News

Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

After his third glass of apple juice one evening, President Reese had an ingenious realization: why would the ASB be shaped like an X if there was no buried treasure under it waiting to be unearthed? Well, several months and a demolition later, that question is left unanswered. “I had just let him stay up to watch Pirates of the Caribbean so I should have … Continue reading Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured, Life, News

Studies Show BYU Cookies N Cream Milk Causes Type III Diabetes

With a recent rise in diabetes cases on BYU campus, scientists found that this new diagnosis has nothing to do with your family history, and everything to do with how many bottles of cookies and cream milk you had last week. Dr. Nick shared an insightful description of the disease.  “So basically, the milk coats each of your internal organs with sugar. Then all your … Continue reading Studies Show BYU Cookies N Cream Milk Causes Type III Diabetes

Kim Possible
Featured, General Conference, News

TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2025

Today, People Magazine released the news. To no one’s surprise (but everyone’s delight) the TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive, 2025. Mustache Man has been stealing hearts from stage-right-and-front of the TABCATS tenor section for years, conference after conference, but his reach has spread across all of America. His runner-up, Glenn Powell, contacted the Alternate Universe, saying: “I wanted to make sure the … Continue reading TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2025

Twitchy the Squirrel