Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

It’s that time of year. Summer sales recruiters are descending on the Cougareat like a plague of charismatic locusts. One Vivint rep has been staggeringly successful. In a single day, Brosh Duncan managed to convince two thousand freshmen to spend their summers hawking solar panels. “There’s something really believable about Brosh,” says Tyler Bowman, a recent recruit. “He’s such a cool guy!” However, there’s more … Continue reading Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

Real Reason Revealed for Acquiring Kirtland Temple

Earlier this week, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints acquired the Kirtland Temple from the Community of Christ. According to a report, the purchase was made for approximately $192 million. The reason for obtaining the building was explained by President Russell M. Nelson. “There’s always money in the Kirtland Temple” said Nelson with a wink. “We needed to reacquire it because there were … Continue reading Real Reason Revealed for Acquiring Kirtland Temple

BYUSA Election undergoes Investigation after suspected Interference by BYUSSR

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Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done.  “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration

Deseret Book has officially announced the release of a spiritually centered Lonely Ghost spring collection. Holy Hipsters everywhere are practically foaming at the mouth. All is lonely in Zion! The Christian indie folk of Provo are absolutely thrilled for the Seagull Book x Lonely Gost spring collection.  “This launch is really going to be great for Love, Share, Invite,” says brand representative and ward mission … Continue reading Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration