If you want to secure a Valentine before next week, try using these questions to have the best date of your life. Each one is scientifically proven to help you better understand your date and make them fall in love with you. Top 10 Questions for Girls to ask Guys: Are you a man or a muppet? Thoughts on slavery? Good, bad, still on the … Continue reading Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date
Local BYU student, Bradaen Lewis, was left confused and traumatized after arriving at a soaking party that he had been invited to unprepared. Naively, he had thought that his trusty Super Soaker™ water gun would be perfect for this February water fight. Little did he know, there was more than one kind of soaking. “I think I’m gonna puke,” stated Lewis. Another participant who wished … Continue reading BYU Student Left Confused After Showing Up to Soaking Party with Water Gun
After five long years of fans wondering why their beloved team was canceled, the BYU administration finally revealed their reasoning for discontinuing the school’s long running hockey team. Administration released a rambling statement, citing concerns over thirst trap edits being made of the players as one of their prime reasons. “We couldn’t let the fujoshis come and ogle our hockey players like that.” … Continue reading Revealed: BYU Hockey Team Was Axed Due to Prophetic Vision of “Heated Rivalry”
With the rise of generative text AI models such as ChatGPT and Grok, it has become more and more difficult to discern whether writing has been composed by a human or a machine. In a recent scandal, Provo Sales Bro Brandon Baker has been suspected of blatant AI usage after sending unusually thoughtful and composed messages to Maddy Nielsen, his recent Mutual date. “We had … Continue reading Sales Bro Suspected of AI Usage by Mutual Date After Considerate Follow-Up Text
While racism on BYU campus itself has never been an issue, the Creamery has taken it upon itself to eradicate the very concept entirely, finally fulfilling the 63-year-old dream of Martin Luther King Jr. “The seamless blend of colors on a gradient from black to white is a lactic representation of the flawless integration we have here on our campus. This ice cream is our … Continue reading Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism
