Tag: BYU

Featured, News, Sports

Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Pop into the family group chat to congratulate your dad on his new position, because just yesterday it was announced that your dad will be replacing former defensive coordinator, Jay Hill. Hill recently betrayed BYU when he transferred to the Michigan staff, but the BYU football team is optimistic that this change is for the better.  “We know that y/n’s dad is going to make … Continue reading Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Swedish Chef
Campus, Featured, News

Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

After his third glass of apple juice one evening, President Reese had an ingenious realization: why would the ASB be shaped like an X if there was no buried treasure under it waiting to be unearthed? Well, several months and a demolition later, that question is left unanswered. “I had just let him stay up to watch Pirates of the Caribbean so I should have … Continue reading Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

Don Cheadle
Uncategorized

General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.

This morning, general authorities reported visions of Cosmo abducted in a strange, vine-like lair. News reports have confirmed the abduction of 11 other mascots as well. With great interest, reporters coaxed a vague description our of our dear prophet. “What I saw…it was like Nephi’s vision of the great and spacious building…but silmier and with more squishy sounds,” he shared, visibly disturbed. While many people … Continue reading General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.

Kim Possible
Campus

BYU Student Soils Himself in HBLL

As students prepare for finals, the library approaches full capacity almost daily. BYU is home to over 30,000 undergraduate students, and with this kind of population density, it can be hard to get the most coveted seats in the library. The personal cubicles on the first and second floor are of particular popularity, as they give the overcrowded student not only a feeling of seclusion, … Continue reading BYU Student Soils Himself in HBLL

Kayteigh Leigh
Featured, Life, Provo

A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming an Alpha Ministering Brother

Since you’ve all been slacking with your ministering sisters, it’s time to step it up. Here are some pointers that the church handbook recommends to “minister to the one” and enter the celestial kingdom as a big bad boy boss. Deliver Baked Goods. Attempt to make your own cookies, give up, and buy cookies from Walmart to put on a plate. Those Lofthouse sugar cookies … Continue reading A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming an Alpha Ministering Brother

Kim Possible