Tag: Featured

Featured, News

First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

In an unexpected development, the First Presidency has released a statement saying that the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon doesn’t actually exist, contradicting several of Moroni’s writings. “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review,” wrote Moroni in the book of Ether. However, the First Presidency has seemingly contradicted Moroni’s claim, going so far as to release Official Declaration 3 to explain … Continue reading First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured

FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

At the tender age of 14, Jayden faced grave temptation after ending his camp experience with not one, but seven crushes of the week. “I’m trying not to lust after the desires of my heart, but it’s so hard–all these girls are so desirable. My prepubescent brain is so conflicted,” stated Jayden Miller, who is the proud owner of exactly three chest hairs. Throughout the … Continue reading FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

Kim Possible
Featured, Life, News

BYU Store Unveils Partnership with “Spirit Rings”

In an effort to promote greater health and worthiness among the local student body, the BYU Store has announced a new product available: Spirit Rings. These will provide students with valuable information about their heart rate, sleep patterns, and testimony strength, among other statistics.  Spirit Rings CEO, John Aura, said that the rings offer more in depth information than just a few health stats.  “These … Continue reading BYU Store Unveils Partnership with “Spirit Rings”

Paul Hollywood
Uncategorized

How To Soft Launch That You’re a Liberal

Nothing is fun without a hint of mystery or suspense. Enter the soft launch — the not-quite-official, not-quite-secret strategy of introducing a new fact about yourself. With Pride month in full swing, here are some subtle ways to show your true colors. Wear a rainbow WWJD bracelet A subtle way to flaunt your political beliefs while also reprimanding small-minded haters. You are a follower of … Continue reading How To Soft Launch That You’re a Liberal

Kim Possible
Provo, Sports

“This Marathon Will Be Modest”: Utah Marathon Runners Disqualified For Inappropriate Attire

Running is a classic sport, but recently, it’s been reaching sky-high levels of popularity. Influencers pose for the camera before, during, and after races where they smash personal records and tout every running product you could think of.  The marathon’s dress code, outlined to runners before the race, was as follows:  Leggings must be at least below the knee (biker shorts prohibited for men and … Continue reading “This Marathon Will Be Modest”: Utah Marathon Runners Disqualified For Inappropriate Attire

Kayteigh Leigh