Tag: Featured

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LEAKED: President Oaks Only Changed Missionary Age to Save His Granddaughter From Her High School Boyfriend

After taking a lie detector test on his YouTube channel, President Oaks admitted that this shocking new policy change was only made to resolve personal beef with a minor. Without spoiling too many of the changes he plans on making during his future reign as prophet, Oaks admitted, “It is anticipated that the age will go back to 19 when she comes home and joins a … Continue reading LEAKED: President Oaks Only Changed Missionary Age to Save His Granddaughter From Her High School Boyfriend

Kim Possible
Featured, Life, Provo

A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming an Alpha Ministering Brother

Since you’ve all been slacking with your ministering sisters, it’s time to step it up. Here are some pointers that the church handbook recommends to “minister to the one” and enter the celestial kingdom as a big bad boy boss. Deliver Baked Goods. Attempt to make your own cookies, give up, and buy cookies from Walmart to put on a plate. Those Lofthouse sugar cookies … Continue reading A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming an Alpha Ministering Brother

Kim Possible
Campus, Featured, Life, News

Studies Show BYU Cookies N Cream Milk Causes Type III Diabetes

With a recent rise in diabetes cases on BYU campus, scientists found that this new diagnosis has nothing to do with your family history, and everything to do with how many bottles of cookies and cream milk you had last week. Dr. Nick shared an insightful description of the disease.  “So basically, the milk coats each of your internal organs with sugar. Then all your … Continue reading Studies Show BYU Cookies N Cream Milk Causes Type III Diabetes

Kim Possible
Featured, General Conference, News

TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2025

Today, People Magazine released the news. To no one’s surprise (but everyone’s delight) the TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive, 2025. Mustache Man has been stealing hearts from stage-right-and-front of the TABCATS tenor section for years, conference after conference, but his reach has spread across all of America. His runner-up, Glenn Powell, contacted the Alternate Universe, saying: “I wanted to make sure the … Continue reading TABCATS’ Mustache Man is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2025

Twitchy the Squirrel
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LOVE Statue and Cute Little Dear Stolen in MOA Heist

On Sunday, October 19th, at approximately 9:30 am, student thieves wielding American Heritage textbooks broke into the MOA with SWIG in hand before escaping on the UVX with valuable statues in their pockets.  Immediately following the crime, Brigham Young emerged from the grave to express his congratulations to the students who managed to escape with no trace. “No Canva, no Learning Suite, just some good … Continue reading LOVE Statue and Cute Little Dear Stolen in MOA Heist

Kim Possible