Crazed Summer Sales Bro Won’t Stop Doing Push-Ups on Doorstep Until Homeowner Buys Security System
In an apparent last-ditch effort to get a sale one month into his dream summer selling security cameras in North Dakota, sources confirm that Provo Bro Joe Hanks has staked out an affluent doorstep and is doing pushups there until the homeowner buys a doorbell camera. “37… 38… 40… wait, back up, missed one.” Joe grunted with sweat dripping down his face, “39… ok, 41… … Continue reading Crazed Summer Sales Bro Won’t Stop Doing Push-Ups on Doorstep Until Homeowner Buys Security System
Study Finds Americans more Familiar with Ruler of Westeros than Governors of Home States
In a Harvard study conducted immediately following the conclusion of the 8th and final season of HBO’s hit show “Game of Thrones” researchers found that 73% of Americans were able to identify Bran Stark as the new king of Westeros, while only 32% could name the governor of the state in which they reside. “It came as a surprise to many of us,” says researcher … Continue reading Study Finds Americans more Familiar with Ruler of Westeros than Governors of Home States
EFY Kid Perfects List of Loud Noises He Can’t Wait to Make on BYU Campus
Having only just put the final touches on a list of loud, annoying, and likely dangerous noises curated especially for the occasion, future EFY attendee Jason Bummer is looking forward to his upcoming week on BYU campus. This extensive preparation, Mr. Bummer hopes, will horrify nearby students on their way to classes and win the desired approval from his EFY peers and love-interests. “WAAAAAAAAA-BAM!” Jason … Continue reading EFY Kid Perfects List of Loud Noises He Can’t Wait to Make on BYU Campus
President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party
Upon arriving at the annual campus-wide Spring term kickoff party on Friday, university president Kevin J. Worthen quickly realized that he had brought way too much of his signature homemade guacamole. “I always forget to adjust my recipe from when I make a batch at the start of Fall.” Worthen chuckled to himself while handing out gallon jugs of guac to the 11 students attending, … Continue reading President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party
BYU to Make Changes to Honor Code in Response to Student-lead Protests
After hard-working students spent hours organizing events and standing out in unfriendly weather, the BYU administration has finally agreed to makes changes to the Honor Code. “Ok, ok, we’ll do it,” said Dan Johnson, head of the Honor Code Office, at a press conference following the demonstration “I guess we’ll make some changes. We would like to announce that when writing, you will no longer … Continue reading BYU to Make Changes to Honor Code in Response to Student-lead Protests
