In this society, a man only has one choice: marry an 18-year-old girl during his first semester back from the mission, or join the manosphere. The choice is brutal, but the world is a dark place. No one knows this better than Benson Eubranks. When asked how he decided to take himself off the market, Eubranks replied, “To stay in a power position, I’ve decided … Continue reading Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice
As we kick off 2026, your FHE crush is still completely unaware that you were an Assistant to the President on your mission, but never fear! Try these 6 tips to win her heart without losing the aloof persona you’ve spent all semester crafting. Consistently bring up how much time you spent in the office: This can be done as you do your marketing homework … Continue reading Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP
With the rise of generative text AI models such as ChatGPT and Grok, it has become more and more difficult to discern whether writing has been composed by a human or a machine. In a recent scandal, Provo Sales Bro Brandon Baker has been suspected of blatant AI usage after sending unusually thoughtful and composed messages to Maddy Nielsen, his recent Mutual date. “We had … Continue reading Sales Bro Suspected of AI Usage by Mutual Date After Considerate Follow-Up Text
Several contestants in Brigham Young University’s first annual “Performative Male” competition have been referred to the Honor Code Office after fellow students felt uncomfortable with their being “so horny.” The event, hosted in Kiwanis Park, was organized by the BYU Men’s Studies Club. Performative males are known for performing for the female gaze, engaging in such activities as drinking traditionally female drinks like matcha, and … Continue reading Participants in Provo “Performative Male” Contest Flagged by Honor Code Office for Promiscuity
The Bachelor of Provo, sponsored by Mutual and plastic surgery, is making a comeback. Here are the spoilers you need to know: One Contestant is a Mommy. Or in other words, a mamacita. Who is it? You’ll have to wait and find out once they are trying to manipulate someone. Taylor Frankie Paul will make a guest appearance on the show. That is, if she … Continue reading 5 Things The Bachelor of Provo Won’t Tell You About Their New Spin-Off Series “The Altar”
