BYU to Take Custody of Nation’s Aircraft Carriers, Battleships
After several days of heated deliberation, officials in Washington have decided to replace the United States Navy with the BYU football team. This comes on the heels of the 55-3 drubbing BYU dished out on national television on Monday. When asked, Grand Admiral Kevin Worthen seemed optimistic about this development saying ” This is a great opportunity for BYU to expand our control beyond Utah … Continue reading BYU to Take Custody of Nation’s Aircraft Carriers, Battleships
Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax
The air quality in Utah was thought to have gotten worse from recent fires, but Provo residents insist on the idea that the poor air quality is simply another hoax, much like COVID-19. “We all know that social distancing doesn’t do anything,” said Jared Wright, a BYU student studying environmental science. “The reason why the air was thought to be bad was because the government … Continue reading Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax
BYU announces campus shutdown to begin this weekend
The number of COVID-19 cases have been rising despite the promises students made to be safe, smart, and to follow the regulations that had been set. Because of the recent outbreaks, BYU has just announced their decision to switch fully to remote learning. “It’s really sad that we have to do this,” said Karen Winters, BYU coronavirus specialist. “We were hopeful that we would be … Continue reading BYU announces campus shutdown to begin this weekend
BYU Student Thanks Pandemic for Allowing Him to “Manspread”
McCabe McKellar, a 21 year-old BYU student, posted a video tribute to COVID-19 on Instagram earlier today. In the tribute he thanked COVID-19 and the global pandemic for allowing him to manspread anywhere he goes. He said that this crisis has changed his life for the better: “So many new opportunities have opened up for me! I can manspread on the bus, at airports, and … Continue reading BYU Student Thanks Pandemic for Allowing Him to “Manspread”
Study Shows that BYU Students Always Wear a Mask and Social Distance, Unless It’s Too Hard
A BYU study revealed some troublesome statistics concerning student’s mask-wearing and social distancing habits. Seventy percent of students surveyed stated that they would not wear masks in the following situations: They forgot their mask at home They have a medical condition that affects their breathing They thought they could get away with claiming to have a medical condition that affects their breathing They just put … Continue reading Study Shows that BYU Students Always Wear a Mask and Social Distance, Unless It’s Too Hard
