Temple sealers
News

Elite Temple Sealers Awakened from Cryo Sleep to Staff Limited Temple Reopenings

Since Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced that 17 temples would be reopening for live sealings this month, General Authorities quickly issued the call to awaken two dozen sealers who had been frozen at the start of the pandemic. Sources confirm they represent an elite force of priesthood holders who can confidently perform sealings without fear of becoming infected. “When … Continue reading Elite Temple Sealers Awakened from Cryo Sleep to Staff Limited Temple Reopenings

Warren Dusenberry
Life

Student Misses When Insomnia Was Caused by Test Anxiety and Not Existential Dread

With more and more articles published about Coronavirus‘ toll on mental health, we decided to sit down with an anonymous BYU student and ask how they feel. Below is a transcript of the interview. Alt Universe: So, how have you been feeling recently? Student: Gosh, that’s a tough question. Like, what is recently? What day even is it? Is it July yet? Alt Universe: It’s … Continue reading Student Misses When Insomnia Was Caused by Test Anxiety and Not Existential Dread

Hugh Wei
News

JC Penny’s Announces They Have Been Closing Stores for Years to Prepare for COVID-19

In a statement to the press, JC Penny’s confirmed that they have been closing stores for years to prepare for COVID-19; a move that has been described, by many business analysts, as the greatest game of 4D chess ever played. The statement reads: “At JC Penny’s we don’t make any business decisions without the guidance of Samantha Flair. Samantha is our local essential oils guru, … Continue reading JC Penny’s Announces They Have Been Closing Stores for Years to Prepare for COVID-19

James West