President Worthen Frantically Stockpiling Holiday Decorations, Preparing for the 2020 Festive Season
President Kevin J. Worthen was disappointed to cancel several days of BYU classes this week, but quickly settled into the rigors of outlasting a virus. With department stores beginning to empty, sources close to BYU’s 13th president are saying that he has frantically begun buying up wreaths and unpacking holiday decorations to prepare for the festivities of the coming year. “He won’t stop baking pies. … Continue reading President Worthen Frantically Stockpiling Holiday Decorations, Preparing for the 2020 Festive Season
Draper-Area ‘Scientists’ Report Essential Oils Effective Against COVID-19, Economic Downturn
Early Friday morning a coalition of “scientists” from the Draper, Utah area announced that essential oils are effective against COVID-19. According to their “very thorough, very professional” studies, using oil from “Toxicodendron radicans” can lead to a remission in corona virus symptoms and also a sturdy defense against economic downturn. “It’s not really surprising,” said “researcher” Cambreyn Dylan, “after all, it’s from nature so it … Continue reading Draper-Area ‘Scientists’ Report Essential Oils Effective Against COVID-19, Economic Downturn
CES Department Bans Coronavirus, Says Pandemic “Will Not Lead to Eternal Marriage”
Shortly after an announcement from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ headquarters regarding cautionary measures in relation to coronavirus was released, the CES department released a letter clarifying their stance on the global pandemic. The statement was released via email and social media. It will apply to all Church schools. Continue reading CES Department Bans Coronavirus, Says Pandemic “Will Not Lead to Eternal Marriage”
General Conference April 2020 Lineup Announced
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the much-anticipated lineup for the upcoming General Conference next month. The main headliners for the two nights are Russell M. Nelson and a surprise performance of a hologram of Joseph Smith. There are many notable acts throughout the day, such as Urim and Thumpin, Rage Against the Honor Code, Grandma Sycamore’s Legendary White Bread Band, and … Continue reading General Conference April 2020 Lineup Announced
Provo Voices: BYU Student Invents Self-Cleaning Water Bottle
BYU Student Willy Hogan has invented a self-cleaning water bottle. The “Luma Bottle” uses UV light sterilization to destroy 99% of bacteria growing inside it. The product has made more than $100,000 on Kickstarter and is expected to ship this summer. What do you think? “If only this technology had come out sooner, COVID-19 would never have been able to spawn from Corona beers.” Makenzie … Continue reading Provo Voices: BYU Student Invents Self-Cleaning Water Bottle