Russian Department Suspected in BYUSA Election Fraud
A scandal has broken out on campus as Wednesday’s BYU Student Association elections were rocked with allegations of foreign language department interference. According to sources, over 200,000 votes were cast for Manny the Mannequin, drawing suspicion of voter fraud onto the election. “Who could have known that this could be an issue?” said BYUSA election official Bryan Thurmond, “It turns out using an unsecured mobile … Continue reading Russian Department Suspected in BYUSA Election Fraud
BREAKING: BYU to Fire Chimpanzees, Hire Actual Programmers to Develop Learning Suite and BYU Store Website
According to an internal memo from BYU’s administration (acquired by the Alternate Universe’s Advanced Intelligence Division), it appears that BYU will hire actual programmers to continue development on Learning Suite and the BYU store website. Previously, in an effort to cut costs, BYU web development was managed by a team of chimpanzees given intelligence enhancing drugs by the BYU biology department. The experiment proved a … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU to Fire Chimpanzees, Hire Actual Programmers to Develop Learning Suite and BYU Store Website
BYU Store Mannequin Announces Campaign for BYUSA Presidency
BYU Store Mannequin “Manny” announced his bid for the highly esteemed BYUSA president position earlier this morning in a surprise campus press conference. The 7 students following this election closely are already calling Manny the “dark-horse candidate” of the race on account of his super fun personality and carefully selected campaign phrases. “Up to this point I was really feeling inspired by the words ’embrace … Continue reading BYU Store Mannequin Announces Campaign for BYUSA Presidency
Long Lost Son Found after Fifteen Years in Provo Drainage Gutters
Friday morning was a scene of elation at the Carter household. Chris Carter, the family’s oldest son, was found alive, deep in the recesses of the Provo gutters, after his disappearance in Spring 2005. Chris was found by recreational spelunkers rappelling into the gutters early Friday morning. “We go diving in the gutters like at least once a month. They’re the deepest caves in Utah,” … Continue reading Long Lost Son Found after Fifteen Years in Provo Drainage Gutters
BREAKING: Nick Cage Stages HBLL Flooding, Steals First Edition Book of Mormon Print
Over the weekend, disaster struck Brigham Young University’s beloved Harold B. Lee Library: in a daring feat of craftiness and zeal, world renowned actor Nick Cage managed to steal the university’s first edition print of the Book of Mormon. The flooding on the building’s lower levels originally seemed innocuous enough, but employees quickly found there was more than water damage to address. “During the cleanup … Continue reading BREAKING: Nick Cage Stages HBLL Flooding, Steals First Edition Book of Mormon Print
