Oh No! One of Your Fall Professors is Already Sending You Weekly Emails
With August well under way, we’ve all seen school supply ads and displays popping up in stores everywhere. However, your overenthusiastic Calc II professor has taken the back-to-school spirit especially to heart this year. In order to ensure your New York trip is as interrupted as possible, he has already sent a “Welcome to MATH 113” message a week ago, and is commencing this weekend … Continue reading Oh No! One of Your Fall Professors is Already Sending You Weekly Emails
BYU Coach Turns to Tithing to Beat the Utes
It’s been a difficult stretch for BYU football fans when it comes to their rivalry with the University of Utah. Eight straight losses to the team from up north have put a sour taste in the mouths of many Cougar fans. However, new hope may be on the rise with promising quarterback Zach Wilson and a bold new strategy from head coach Kalani Sitake. In … Continue reading BYU Coach Turns to Tithing to Beat the Utes
President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately
President Worthen, who’s administration recently passed key changes to the Honor Code and created new economic opportunities through a Cougareat Wendy’s, received a surprise call from the DNC this afternoon. Having accidentally met the required polling threshold to qualify for the second round of democratic primary debates, BYU’s President is expected to join the other candidates on-stage tomorrow night. Worthen immediately began lashing out at … Continue reading President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately
EXCLUSIVE: ‘Billboard Bachelor Braden is a Ghost’ Says Woman Who Dated Him
Dear Alternate Universe, I’m writing because you guys are definitely the most reliable news source in Provo. Maybe even in the world. And something has come to my attention that I think your readers should know about. You may have seen the billboards advertising a date with the LDS Millionaire? Yeah? Me too. Well, have you also seen the ones advertising dates with the non-millionaire … Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: ‘Billboard Bachelor Braden is a Ghost’ Says Woman Who Dated Him
New Pioneer-Denialism Movement Expected to Undercut Pioneer Day Festivities
The time-honored Pioneer day celebration is a prolific part of Utah culture. Complete with enough parades, American flags, and straw hats to be mistaken for an Amish Independence day festival, the 24th of July is a time to reflect on the sacrifice of the pioneers on their long trek across the US. However, a shocking new conspiracy is gaining traction that may be existentially dangerous … Continue reading New Pioneer-Denialism Movement Expected to Undercut Pioneer Day Festivities