Mueller Report Finds Evidence of Collusion Between President Nelson and God
Following 2 years of intense investigation into Russel M Nelson’s administration, special counsel Robert Mueller has finally released his findings on the prophet’s purported collusion with God. The report outlines evidence dating back to the President’s childhood of a suspiciously close relationship with his Maker, and concludes that Heavenly Father very much propelled the heart surgeon into his current position as leader of the Church … Continue reading Mueller Report Finds Evidence of Collusion Between President Nelson and God
EXCLUSIVE: BYU Police to be replaced with Flying Monkeys from The Land of Oz.
Following legal action resulting in elimination of the BYU police, officers will allegedly be replaced with the Flying Monkeys, on loan from the land of Oz. Beginning on May 1st, the Monkeys will begin residency on campus. They will assume full responsibilities formerly carried out by BYU police with one exception: the monkeys will be able to carry misbehaving students away to a dark tower … Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: BYU Police to be replaced with Flying Monkeys from The Land of Oz.
Upon Success of Provo Bachelor, BYU Students Begin Production on Provo Survivor, Provo Duck Dynasty, and Provo Hoarders
After the mega-hit Provo’s Most Eligible, also known as The Bachelor of Provo, producers have green-lit several Provo themed series including but not limited to “Provo Survivor,” “Provo Duck Dynasty,” and “Provo Hoarders.” . “Yeah, we have no problem stealing intellectual property or propagating harmful ideals such as those presented in the real version of The Bachelor, as long as we’re celebrating the unique culture … Continue reading Upon Success of Provo Bachelor, BYU Students Begin Production on Provo Survivor, Provo Duck Dynasty, and Provo Hoarders
Report: BYU Demi-God Jimmer Fredette Returns from China
Former BYU basketball deity Jimmer Fredette has officially signed a contract with the Phoenix Suns of the NBA. His Eminence had been playing with the Shanghai Sharks of the Chinese Basketball Association where He worked miracles as league international MVP and led the league in scoring for the 2016-2017 season. The deal is for two years with a team option for the second year when … Continue reading Report: BYU Demi-God Jimmer Fredette Returns from China
Embarrassed BYU Honor Code Office Apologizes to Students for Taking Their Promises Seriously
Following a surge of public criticism, the BYU Honor Code Office released a statement today apologizing for earnestly believing that students were serious about keeping the promises they make every year in order to attend the private university. “I think this has all been a great misunderstanding.” writes Jeff Summers, director of dress code violations, in a statement released to the press, “This whole time … Continue reading Embarrassed BYU Honor Code Office Apologizes to Students for Taking Their Promises Seriously