Category: News

Featured, Life, News

PSA: There’s No Sexism at BYU Because Sex Isn’t Allowed

Amidst regular reports that women at BYU are facing discrimination from peers and professors on the basis of sex, administration has posited that that couldn’t possibly be true since sex is strictly forbidden. The announcement ended with the following statement: “We literally have a whole part of a building named after a woman and surveys show that almost 2% percent of students have heard of … Continue reading PSA: There’s No Sexism at BYU Because Sex Isn’t Allowed

Don Cheadle
Campus, News

BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Priestcraft, or the practice of preaching for the sake of a following rather than for the religious message, has become an issue for professors at religious universities. In a recent policy change issued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Church Education System (CES), all future religion classes taught across church universities must be “really, really boring” to prevent concerns. “We love all … Continue reading BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Chuck Bartowski
Featured, News

LDS HQ Announces Proposal to Increase the Church’s Bottom Line

After a free consulting evaluation, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has created a bold new plan to help increase profits and boost morale. 1. Gospel Library ProPlusPremium Members will find a variety of subscription options on the Gospel Library App. 2. General Conference Sponsors/ Product Placement Revenue will be collected and used to provide church buildings with less scratchy walls. 3. MSF … Continue reading LDS HQ Announces Proposal to Increase the Church’s Bottom Line

Kim Possible
Featured, News, Provo

Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

While racism on BYU campus itself has never been an issue, the Creamery has taken it upon itself to eradicate the very concept entirely, finally fulfilling the 63-year-old dream of Martin Luther King Jr. “The seamless blend of colors on a gradient from black to white is a lactic representation of the flawless integration we have here on our campus. This ice cream is our … Continue reading Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

Don Cheadle
Featured, News, Sports

Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Pop into the family group chat to congratulate your dad on his new position, because just yesterday it was announced that your dad will be replacing former defensive coordinator, Jay Hill. Hill recently betrayed BYU when he transferred to the Michigan staff, but the BYU football team is optimistic that this change is for the better.  “We know that y/n’s dad is going to make … Continue reading Your Dad Gets Promoted to be BYU’s New Defensive Coordinator

Swedish Chef