Escaped Monolith Apprehended, Safely Returned to Granite Mountain Vaults
The now infamous Utah Desert Monolith has finally been apprehended after its daring escape from the Church of Jesus Christ’s Granite Mountain Vaults last month. Although the monolith had evaded search parties for several weeks, a helicopter crew dispatched by the vaults eventually tracked it down to a remote desert rock formation. “We had it surrounded. Plastered its face all over the news.” says an … Continue reading Escaped Monolith Apprehended, Safely Returned to Granite Mountain Vaults
LDS Library App Comes Out With “Wrapped” Feature That Tells Users Which Talks and Scriptures They Viewed the Most in 2020
Inspired by Spotify’s annual “Wrapped” the minds behind the LDS library app have released data to users about their most-viewed words of the prophets. Users of the app were surprised by the extent that they had been diligently studying gospel writings. They were also surprised by some of the works that they spent the most time on. “I mean, I knew it had been a … Continue reading LDS Library App Comes Out With “Wrapped” Feature That Tells Users Which Talks and Scriptures They Viewed the Most in 2020
Local Man Translated After Hitting “Share” on 7th Consecutive Post of Gratitude
After listening to President Nelson’s address on gratitude, local BYU student Brian Summers was determined to follow through on his challenge to share social media posts of gratitude for 7 days straight. At exactly 11:00AM today, Summers published his final post and according to one eye-witness “was immediately filled with light, overshadowed by a cloud, sucked up through an interdimensional portal”. Sources on the scene … Continue reading Local Man Translated After Hitting “Share” on 7th Consecutive Post of Gratitude
Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It
BYU student Kyle Denver was disappointed to hear that his grandparents were going to play it safe this holiday season. Grandma and Grandpa Denver notified the Kyle and his family that they wouldn’t be coming into town for Thanksgiving to avoid catching COVID-19. They said they’d be calling over Zoom and Facetime to check in with the family. This was unacceptable to Kyle who decided … Continue reading Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It
@matchmakerbyu actually polygamy scheme
Over the past month, @matchmakerbyu on Instagram has been very popular. They have been taking in survey answers and attempting to match people according to what they see as compatible traits. Early on they had far more women answer the survey. They said they would end submissions when they had the same number of guys and girls answer their survey. New information suggests that was … Continue reading @matchmakerbyu actually polygamy scheme
