Worthens to Deliver Cookies to Every BYU Student Around the Country
Seeking to cheer up the BYU student body, Kevin and Peggy Worthen are spending the rest of their summer on a quest to deliver cookies to every BYU student in the country. According to sources, the Worthens recently acquired a Winnebago and over 3,000 pounds of chocolate chips. “We can’t fix everything for all these kids, but we think it would be nice to check … Continue reading Worthens to Deliver Cookies to Every BYU Student Around the Country
‘Where Have All My Subjects Gone?’ Crys BYUSA President, Anxiously Gazing From Atop Kimball Tower Throne
At the conclusion of her elaborate coronation ceremony atop Kimball Tower, BYUSA president Sarah Hughford looked out over campus and was distressed to find not a single one of her subjects below. Sources close to the royal family confirm that President Hughford has exploded into a fit of rage. “What is this insolence? How dare they disrespect the crown!” President Hughford cried out to her … Continue reading ‘Where Have All My Subjects Gone?’ Crys BYUSA President, Anxiously Gazing From Atop Kimball Tower Throne
Missionaries Now Allowed To Look Cool
According to a statement released by the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints, missionaries representing the Church can now give off chiller vibes. Prior to the statement, which was released on Friday, missionaries of both genders were supposed to look lame all the time. Sometimes, the boys got mistaken for the FBI, but even that was rare. “We just wanted people to know that we … Continue reading Missionaries Now Allowed To Look Cool
Water Polo Team Sad Not to Be Deemed ‘Essential Sports Team’ by BYU
While many major BYU sports teams are returning to campus to resume training, the university’s water polo team is still being barred from preparing for their upcoming season. Unable to meet the requirements to be deemed an “essential sports team” by administrators, water polo team members have become severely depressed. “Our dedicated fans are absolutely crushed right now. And I’m not just talking about MY … Continue reading Water Polo Team Sad Not to Be Deemed ‘Essential Sports Team’ by BYU
LDS Church Suspends Word of Wisdom Requirement For Remainder of 2020
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints released a statement that declared the suspension of Word of Wisdom for the remainder of 2020 early Wednesday morning. The Word of Wisdom is a health code that requires members of the Church to abstain from alcohol, coffee, tea, and drugs. “It’s been a tough year for so many reasons. We just think the Saints should take … Continue reading LDS Church Suspends Word of Wisdom Requirement For Remainder of 2020