Thanksgiving Guide: How To Get Through A Conversation About Your Non-Existent Relationship
Well, it’s that time of year again. You’re headed home for Thanksgiving break. There’ll be turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and the inevitable conversation about your lack of a relationship. All of us here at The Alternate Universe know how embarrassing it can be to admit to your parents, siblings, and nosy great-aunt that another year has gone by and you’re still not in a … Continue reading Thanksgiving Guide: How To Get Through A Conversation About Your Non-Existent Relationship
Local Student Mistakenly Thinks Today’s ‘Friday Schedule’ Extends Beyond Classes
Earlier today, a student was put on probation after a series of events that happened as a result of BYU declaring that today was for Friday instruction, despite it being a Tuesday. Mitchell Hughes, a senior who lives at The Village, had four debacles as a result of this common confusion. First, Hughes showed up 20 minutes late to his PS 100 class and missed … Continue reading Local Student Mistakenly Thinks Today’s ‘Friday Schedule’ Extends Beyond Classes
President Nelson Installs Giving Machines in Every Home, Makes it Easier to ‘Light The World’
In another instance of bold leadership by the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Russell M. Nelson announced Sunday night that red giving machines would be delivered to and installed in the homes of every Latter-day Saint. I am so proud of the work that men and women, inside and outside the Church, have done in regard to caring for the … Continue reading President Nelson Installs Giving Machines in Every Home, Makes it Easier to ‘Light The World’
BYU Shaves Maeser Statue, Removes All Campus References to Bearded Men
In an effort to improve the schools’ honor and to condemn sinful behaviors, BYU has recently begun a series of radical adjustments to campus buildings and statues to remove references to beards, citing them as evils from a less enlightened time. Among these changes the Heber J. Grant building has been renamed to The Dungeon, the JFSB has been renamed to the Gillette Mach 5 … Continue reading BYU Shaves Maeser Statue, Removes All Campus References to Bearded Men
Cosmobile Paint Washes off in Quick Quack Car Wash, Reveals Cosmo Has Been Living in Creepy White Van This Whole Time
For the past few months, reports of suspicious behavior have come in concerning BYU’s (in)famous mascot Cosmo. Many parents have sent complaints to the university, accusing him of accosting their young children on their way home from school and offering them cougar tails if they’ll “get in the van.” Residents of Orem have also spotted him dumping trash from the Cosmobile while yelling obscenities at … Continue reading Cosmobile Paint Washes off in Quick Quack Car Wash, Reveals Cosmo Has Been Living in Creepy White Van This Whole Time
