BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices
In a stunning development in the scandal some are calling “at least fifty times more important than Watergate”, BYU President Kevin Worthen raided offices used by The Daily Universe early Wednesday morning. At around 3:15 AM, President Worthen conducted the first of what promises to be many raids seeking evidence to corroborate reports of exploitation of unpaid student labor. According to eyewitnesses, he was accompanied … Continue reading BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices
Diehard Russell M. Nelson Fans Found Tailgating For Prophet’s BYU Devotional
When BYU President Kevin J. Worthen shocked the student body on September 10 with the announcement that President Russell M. Nelson would be speaking at the following Tuesday devotional, the news became the talk of campus. Some made preparations to call in sick to their part-time jobs. Others calculated how much their grade would be affected by skipping class. A select few even attended seat-saving … Continue reading Diehard Russell M. Nelson Fans Found Tailgating For Prophet’s BYU Devotional
EXPOSED: ‘The Daily Universe’ Humiliating Aspiring Journalists by Forcing Them to Make Paper No One Reads
BYU’s signature news publication The Universe is in hot water this morning after news broke of a massive scandal. The organization has allegedly been exploiting unpaid student labor for more than 60 years, humiliating them on their own campus by forcing them to write a paper that no one reads. “Every Tuesday when the paper is distributed, I watch thousands of students walk by our … Continue reading EXPOSED: ‘The Daily Universe’ Humiliating Aspiring Journalists by Forcing Them to Make Paper No One Reads
Local Maceys Refuses to Stop Playing ‘All By Myself’ Over the Loudspeaker
Hearts were bursting today as the Provo Maceys blasted Eric Carmen’s hit song ‘All By Myself’ for hours on repeat. Shoppers were serenaded by Carmen’s dulcet tones from 2 in the afternoon until closing, late that evening. Jacob Reedy, a Macey’s employee who was working during the musical escapade, told reporters that he believed that “whoever was playing the song on repeat probably had a … Continue reading Local Maceys Refuses to Stop Playing ‘All By Myself’ Over the Loudspeaker
Report: Ward Member Falls into Inactivity After Discovering He Has Church in the MARB
Following his absence at sacrament meeting on Sunday, Junior Gerry Lewis officially announced that he would not be attending worship services as a member of the Provo YSA 357th Ward anymore. When asked why, Lewis explained that the agony of sitting in church in the MARB each Sunday was too much for him to bear. “I mean, I was already starting to question my faith … Continue reading Report: Ward Member Falls into Inactivity After Discovering He Has Church in the MARB