Learning Suite Creators Post Permanent “We’re Sorry” Message on Login Page
After years of unsuccessfully wrestling with the code of BYU’s most feared and hated website, the creators of Learning Suite have posted a straightforward, permanent apology on the login page. The message (a low-res “we’re sorry” followed by a pre-emoji-era frowny face) was designed to constantly beg the forgiveness of the thousands of BYU students who have ever used their course management software. Although it … Continue reading Learning Suite Creators Post Permanent “We’re Sorry” Message on Login Page
Wait Time to Scream into Campus Emergency Box Up 5 Hours as Finals Approach
Stressed students are coming in droves to BYU’s emergency boxes this week as final tests and project due dates approach, sending the wait time to loudly vent their greatest frustrations and anxieties to the overworked blue machines skyrocketing at all locations. “It’s nice to have a chance to get really loud about what’s got you down.” Says Caroline Burns, a Freshman who didn’t mind waiting … Continue reading Wait Time to Scream into Campus Emergency Box Up 5 Hours as Finals Approach
Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice
Tired of cramming for today’s midterm elections, local BYU student Michael Kap is calling it quits, confident that if the ballot is multiple choice he’ll recognize the correct answer right away when he sees it in the voting booth. “If there’s just going to be a series of bubbles and all the potential answers are listed next to them, I’m honestly not too worried about … Continue reading Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice
Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah
Following another disappointing loss, head coach Kalani Sitake is aggressively preparing for the football team’s next game against Boise State by actively applying for open positions at every Taco Bell across Utah. “I think we have a real chance against Boise State, but it will be a challenge.” Sitake expressed disinterestedly while scrolling through Taco Bell’s “Careers” webpage, “They’ve got a powerful company culture and … Continue reading Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah
Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight
When tasked with convincing students to invest in Cougar Cash not long ago, a team of distinguished BYU staff and faculty waged the entirety of their allocated budget on one wild gamble: 10,576,744 completely unimpressive, unashamedly store-bought, underwhelmingly-glazed donuts. After donating a few of their lunch breaks, putting on ties, setting up a simple table in the WILK and giving out over ten million cheap … Continue reading Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight