Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday
The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done. “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday
LSB Chemical Spill Contaminates Duck Pond, Creates Teenage Mutant Ninja Mallards.
A new genre of semi-aquatic Provo residents just dropped! In a shocking turn of events, a freak accident in the LSB caused a cascade of toxic, possibly radioactive ooze down the slopes surrounding the building. These contaminants found their way towards the beloved south campus duck pond causing a complete (and totally rad!) metamorphosis among some of the local fauna. When questioned about his involvement, … Continue reading LSB Chemical Spill Contaminates Duck Pond, Creates Teenage Mutant Ninja Mallards.
Crowded MARB Hallways Force Emergency Classroom Birth
Students across BYU campus are calling for action after a recent emergency birth occurred in the worst building on campus. Jennica Nielson, a returned missionary of 10 months, was in her “Intro to Motherhood” class at Thomas L. Martin Building (more infamously known as the MARB), when right at 9:49, her water suddenly broke. Her gasp of surprise, along with the subsequent contractions, however, were … Continue reading Crowded MARB Hallways Force Emergency Classroom Birth
Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration
Deseret Book has officially announced the release of a spiritually centered Lonely Ghost spring collection. Holy Hipsters everywhere are practically foaming at the mouth. All is lonely in Zion! The Christian indie folk of Provo are absolutely thrilled for the Seagull Book x Lonely Gost spring collection. “This launch is really going to be great for Love, Share, Invite,” says brand representative and ward mission … Continue reading Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration
BYU Football to Play Greendale Community College This Fall
Last week, the Big 12 and BYU announced their football schedule for 2024. However, there has been an adjustment. BYU has switched out Southern Illinois for Greendale Community College for the opener on August 31st. Greendale originally had no opponents for the football season as Dean Craig Pelton forgot to schedule anything. After schools started to release their schedules, Dean Pelton panicked. He immediately started … Continue reading BYU Football to Play Greendale Community College This Fall
