Tag: Featured

Campus, Featured

BYU Student Guilt-Tripped Into Donating Last Five Dollars In His Bank Account for BYU Choose2Give

Ammon Walker, a BYU student, was walking through campus when a Choose2Give stand caught his eye. Choose2Give is a BYU event aimed at helping needy students through donations of other students. Ammon, a fully independent adult with no support from his parents, faced the temptation of his life when faced with the Choose2Give stand. “I was debating between supporting someone I don’t know with my … Continue reading BYU Student Guilt-Tripped Into Donating Last Five Dollars In His Bank Account for BYU Choose2Give

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured, Life

Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Sorry, Clavvy. You mess with the cat, you’ve gotta go toe-to-toe with the dawgs. “I can’t believe a misogymaxxed moidslop chudcel like him would even jestergoon around a cougarpilled canthal tilt like Cosmo’s. Enjoy that career-ending cortisol spike, bud,” said onlooker John Volcel. Clavicular was unable to comment as he was busy crying in the corner of the Milk & Cookies lounge. Barefoot Cosmo, stoic … Continue reading Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Don Cheadle
News, Sports

BYU Sues Big 12 For Trademark Infringement Of The 12 Apostles

As all eyes turn to the Big 12 basketball tournament that began today, the real March madness is taking place in a lawsuit filed by BYU against the Big 12. After 3 years of Big 12 membership, BYU officials have noted that the number used in the conference’s title is eerily similar to that of the quorum of the twelve apostles. Since the lawsuit was … Continue reading BYU Sues Big 12 For Trademark Infringement Of The 12 Apostles

Frank Heffley
Church, Featured

Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Sacrament Meeting absences rose sharply this past Sunday due to the “Spring Forward” effect of Daylight Savings. Thousands of students showed up to church just in time for the second hour, much to their consternation. The back rows of several wards were filled to the brim with people who would leave as soon as the first speaker stood up. Andrew Leavitt, a student with 5pm … Continue reading Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Montresor
Life, News

Man with “Peacemakers Wanted” Bumper Sticker Nearly Kills Family of 7 in Road Rage Incident

PLEASANT GROVE — Local family of 7 narrowly escape death after frightening encounter with an angry driver sporting multiple gospel decals. Around 7:30am this morning an apparent road rage incident occurred concerning a single driver and a family of 7 in a minivan. Witnesses report hearing the screeching of wheels and honking loudly as the solitary driver cut off the minivan nearly clipping it and … Continue reading Man with “Peacemakers Wanted” Bumper Sticker Nearly Kills Family of 7 in Road Rage Incident

Chuck Bartowski