Category: Featured

Campus, Featured, Life

Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Sorry, Clavvy. You mess with the cat, you’ve gotta go toe-to-toe with the dawgs. “I can’t believe a misogymaxxed moidslop chudcel like him would even jestergoon around a cougarpilled canthal tilt like Cosmo’s. Enjoy that career-ending cortisol spike, bud,” said onlooker John Volcel. Clavicular was unable to comment as he was busy crying in the corner of the Milk & Cookies lounge. Barefoot Cosmo, stoic … Continue reading Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Don Cheadle
Church, Featured

Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Sacrament Meeting absences rose sharply this past Sunday due to the “Spring Forward” effect of Daylight Savings. Thousands of students showed up to church just in time for the second hour, much to their consternation. The back rows of several wards were filled to the brim with people who would leave as soon as the first speaker stood up. Andrew Leavitt, a student with 5pm … Continue reading Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Montresor
Campus, Featured

What Would Happen if BYU Upheld the 9 Accidental Acceptance Letters

Recently, BYU sent acceptance letters to 9,879 freshman applicants. A week later, nine of them were told that theirs were an accident, and that they would not be able to attend BYU. Here’s why BYU could not afford to let these nine students attend despite the error.   Famine With nearly 40,000 students already enrolled at BYU Provo, food can be hard to come by. … Continue reading What Would Happen if BYU Upheld the 9 Accidental Acceptance Letters

Don Cheadle
Featured, News

12 New Sacred Hymns Added to the Hymn Book

Twelve new hymns were added to the hymn book this week. This is part of the church’s initiative to release a full new hymn book by mid-2027. Leaders are confident that these new songs will inspire the spirit in upcoming sacrament meetings. Here are the new songs: 1. Believer – Imagine Dragons 2. Religion – Lana Del Rey 3. Sign of the Times – Harry … Continue reading 12 New Sacred Hymns Added to the Hymn Book

Swedish Chef
Featured, News, Sports

BYU Student Under Investigation By Honor Code Office For “Mancrush” On AJ Dybantsa

In light of recent drama within BYU athletics, it should come as no surprise that another scandal has been brewing in secret right here in Provo. Clay Baker, a finance student from springville Utah, is currently under investigation by the Honor Code Office after admitting to having a “mancrush” on BYU basketball star AJ Dybantsa. “The purity of our students is our utmost priority” says … Continue reading BYU Student Under Investigation By Honor Code Office For “Mancrush” On AJ Dybantsa

Frank Heffley