Category: Life

Campus, Life, Provo, Sports

BYU ROC Board Releases Statement, Condemns Busy Students as “Poor Fans”

Provo, UT – In a statement released in response to recent backlash surrounding new ROC Pass ticket claim policies, the ROC Board maintained that students with responsibilities that infringe upon athletic event attendance are “not real BYU Cougars.” The press release reads as follows: “Dear Students and BYU Alumni, “A lot of discussion has been made recently regarding our new policy for BYU Football and … Continue reading BYU ROC Board Releases Statement, Condemns Busy Students as “Poor Fans”

Chuck Bartowski
Campus, Featured, Life

Best Things to Do After Your Study Abroad

  You lived, laughed, and loved abroad. Now is the time to make sure no one forgets it!  Here are the best things to do after getting home from such a life-changing experience: Tell everyone from the trip you’ll stay friends forever. Ghost them immediately. One of the sweetest parts of the study abroad experience is the tearful end, when everyone reflects on the memories, … Continue reading Best Things to Do After Your Study Abroad

Swedish Chef
Life, Provo

Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

There you were, reaching for a bottle of Sprite Zero Sugar for FHE, and there he was, reaching for a Pipeline Punch Monster like a Brontosaurus reaching for an unholy leaf. It was shocking, unsettling, and altogether testimony-shaking. You said a quick prayer before confronting him. “Oh, I thought that caffeine announcement was an April Fool’s joke,” he replied. A pitiful excuse. You wrestled with … Continue reading Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

Kim Possible4 Comments
General Conference, Life, News

Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

In a grotesque display of dishonesty and pride, local man Braxton Williams claimed over the pulpit during his testimony today to have watched every speaker in General Conference. During his testimony, which lasted 20 minutes, Braxton allegedly claimed, among other things, that he “enjoyed every single speaker last weekend,” a phrase which drew audible gasps from the congregation. “I knew he was lying when he … Continue reading Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

Chuck Bartowski1 Comment
Dating, Life

BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students

In a beautiful display of consideration for the gay community at BYU, the HCO has updated the grooming standards to allow gay students to have a fake significant other of the opposite sex—otherwise known as a beard. “This whole time, I thought I wasn’t allowed to fake date my lesbian friend without a beard card,” said gay student John Gay. “I’m so glad we can … Continue reading BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students

Don Cheadle1 Comment