Category: Life

Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

In Stunning Display of Creativity, Every Band Featured in Battle of the Bands Sort of Sounds Like Imagine Dragons

Provo, Utah, noted for being birthplace to the famous bands Imagine Dragons and Neon Trees, leaves many up-and-coming bands dreaming of what may be following BYUSA’s Battle of the Bands. That legacy has greatly shaped the Provo music scene as we at the Alternate Universe look ahead to tonight’s Battle of the Bands. In a three-hour performance, concertgoers will be able to hear a wide … Continue reading In Stunning Display of Creativity, Every Band Featured in Battle of the Bands Sort of Sounds Like Imagine Dragons

Chuck BartowskiLeave a comment
Campus, Life, News

BREAKING: BYU to Build New Creamery Where Old Creamery Was

Sources report that BYU has decided to maximize the new space on campus by building a new Creamery on the site of the old Creamery. While many different ideas were rumored, it is now confirmed that the lot of land that used to house the old Creamery on Ninth will now be built into a new Creamery on Ninth. According to sources, the idea was … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU to Build New Creamery Where Old Creamery Was

Chuck Bartowski
Campus, Featured, Life

Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Sorry, Clavvy. You mess with the cat, you’ve gotta go toe-to-toe with the dawgs. “I can’t believe a misogymaxxed moidslop chudcel like him would even jestergoon around a cougarpilled canthal tilt like Cosmo’s. Enjoy that career-ending cortisol spike, bud,” said onlooker John Volcel. Clavicular was unable to comment as he was busy crying in the corner of the Milk & Cookies lounge. Barefoot Cosmo, stoic … Continue reading Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Don Cheadle
Life, News

Man with “Peacemakers Wanted” Bumper Sticker Nearly Kills Family of 7 in Road Rage Incident

PLEASANT GROVE — Local family of 7 narrowly escape death after frightening encounter with an angry driver sporting multiple gospel decals. Around 7:30am this morning an apparent road rage incident occurred concerning a single driver and a family of 7 in a minivan. Witnesses report hearing the screeching of wheels and honking loudly as the solitary driver cut off the minivan nearly clipping it and … Continue reading Man with “Peacemakers Wanted” Bumper Sticker Nearly Kills Family of 7 in Road Rage Incident

Chuck Bartowski
Dating, Featured, Life

Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice

In this society, a man only has one choice: marry an 18-year-old girl during his first semester back from the mission, or join the manosphere. The choice is brutal, but the world is a dark place. No one knows this better than Benson Eubranks. When asked how he decided to take himself off the market, Eubranks replied, “To stay in a power position, I’ve decided … Continue reading Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice

Kim Possible