BREAKING: BYU to Build New Creamery Where Old Creamery Was
Sources report that BYU has decided to maximize the new space on campus by building a new Creamery on the site of the old Creamery. While many different ideas were rumored, it is now confirmed that the lot of land that used to house the old Creamery on Ninth will now be built into a new Creamery on Ninth. According to sources, the idea was … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU to Build New Creamery Where Old Creamery Was
BYU Student Guilt-Tripped Into Donating Last Five Dollars In His Bank Account for BYU Choose2Give
Ammon Walker, a BYU student, was walking through campus when a Choose2Give stand caught his eye. Choose2Give is a BYU event aimed at helping needy students through donations of other students. Ammon, a fully independent adult with no support from his parents, faced the temptation of his life when faced with the Choose2Give stand. “I was debating between supporting someone I don’t know with my … Continue reading BYU Student Guilt-Tripped Into Donating Last Five Dollars In His Bank Account for BYU Choose2Give
Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo
Sorry, Clavvy. You mess with the cat, you’ve gotta go toe-to-toe with the dawgs. “I can’t believe a misogymaxxed moidslop chudcel like him would even jestergoon around a cougarpilled canthal tilt like Cosmo’s. Enjoy that career-ending cortisol spike, bud,” said onlooker John Volcel. Clavicular was unable to comment as he was busy crying in the corner of the Milk & Cookies lounge. Barefoot Cosmo, stoic … Continue reading Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo
BYU Sues Big 12 For Trademark Infringement Of The 12 Apostles
As all eyes turn to the Big 12 basketball tournament that began today, the real March madness is taking place in a lawsuit filed by BYU against the Big 12. After 3 years of Big 12 membership, BYU officials have noted that the number used in the conference’s title is eerily similar to that of the quorum of the twelve apostles. Since the lawsuit was … Continue reading BYU Sues Big 12 For Trademark Infringement Of The 12 Apostles
Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings
Sacrament Meeting absences rose sharply this past Sunday due to the “Spring Forward” effect of Daylight Savings. Thousands of students showed up to church just in time for the second hour, much to their consternation. The back rows of several wards were filled to the brim with people who would leave as soon as the first speaker stood up. Andrew Leavitt, a student with 5pm … Continue reading Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings
