Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice
In this society, a man only has one choice: marry an 18-year-old girl during his first semester back from the mission, or join the manosphere. The choice is brutal, but the world is a dark place. No one knows this better than Benson Eubranks. When asked how he decided to take himself off the market, Eubranks replied, “To stay in a power position, I’ve decided … Continue reading Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice
Local Utahn Plagued After Praying for “Moisture” Instead of Rain
After what seemed a typical bedtime prayer, local Utahn John Henry, 65, accidentally cursed himself by praying for “moisture” instead of rain. “I’ve always prayed for moisture. It never even occurred to me that I could just pray for rain instead,” admitted Henry. “Apparently God got fed up with my requests.” Upon saying such a fateful prayer, Henry reported waking up in a cold sweat … Continue reading Local Utahn Plagued After Praying for “Moisture” Instead of Rain
Vocal Point, BYUSA to Host Alternate Alternate Halftime Show for People Who Are Racist but Don’t Want to Watch Kid Rock
Local racists have been worried about having to choose between the official Super Bowl halftime show with Bad Bunny, who isn’t white, and Turning Point USA’s alternate show featuring Kid Rock, who writes music that isn’t good. Luckily, BYUSA partnered with Vocal Point to present a third option. “We encourage all students to observe the Sabbath by avoiding unholy music and instead getting hyped for … Continue reading Vocal Point, BYUSA to Host Alternate Alternate Halftime Show for People Who Are Racist but Don’t Want to Watch Kid Rock
Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date
If you want to secure a Valentine before next week, try using these questions to have the best date of your life. Each one is scientifically proven to help you better understand your date and make them fall in love with you. Top 10 Questions for Girls to ask Guys: Are you a man or a muppet? Thoughts on slavery? Good, bad, still on the … Continue reading Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date
2026 Winter Olympics to be Catered by Cannon Center Italian Corner
As the world spectates the winter olympics together, BYU has the honor and privilege of providing delicious nutrition to this year’s athletes. To honor the beautiful country of Italy where the competition is taking place, leaders chose the Cannon Center’s Euro Kitchen to serve the world’s greatest competitors. Cannon Center chef Shawn Smith said: “The world is our campus, but it is also our kitchen. … Continue reading 2026 Winter Olympics to be Catered by Cannon Center Italian Corner
