General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.
This morning, general authorities reported visions of Cosmo abducted in a strange, vine-like lair. News reports have confirmed the abduction of 11 other mascots as well. With great interest, reporters coaxed a vague description our of our dear prophet. “What I saw…it was like Nephi’s vision of the great and spacious building…but silmier and with more squishy sounds,” he shared, visibly disturbed. While many people … Continue reading General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.
BYU Student Soils Himself in HBLL
As students prepare for finals, the library approaches full capacity almost daily. BYU is home to over 30,000 undergraduate students, and with this kind of population density, it can be hard to get the most coveted seats in the library. The personal cubicles on the first and second floor are of particular popularity, as they give the overcrowded student not only a feeling of seclusion, … Continue reading BYU Student Soils Himself in HBLL
Sexiest YSA Callings Ranked
Now, does this mean we’re ranking how sexy the people who generally have these callings are, or how sexy the callings themselves are? The interpretation is up to you. From sexiest to least sexy, here are the YSA callings ranked by our staff: Temple worker Bishop’s wife Sunday School Instructor Relief Society Instructor Elder Quorum President Relief Society President Munch and Mingle Committee Ward greeters … Continue reading Sexiest YSA Callings Ranked
Shocking! Boy Who’s Actively Pursuing You Says He’s “Not Ready for a Relationship.”
Rumors say that he’s already on Mutual again, looking for his next victim. As the days get shorter and colder, cuffing season seems to be in full swing. But not everyone is succeeding in getting into a relationship. Take, Lacey Lowder, a BYU Junior, who recently fell victim to the hope that a boy would actually commit to her. After several weeks of actively … Continue reading Shocking! Boy Who’s Actively Pursuing You Says He’s “Not Ready for a Relationship.”
50 Ways to Spite the World This Christmas Season
50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT Gaslight a child. Manipulate a loved one. Overstimulate a friend. Spit on an old person. Stigmatize mental health. Start a scandalous rumor about a loved one. Fill a stranger’s gas tank with milk. Make fun of someone’s birth mark. Empty a friend’s inhaler. Bankrupt a local business. Ask a woman her weight. Traffic an endangered species. Talk over your … Continue reading 50 Ways to Spite the World This Christmas Season
